Hopeless Thoughts

Life doesn't hurt until you think about how much things have changed, who you've lost along the way, and how much of it was your fault.  I just wish that time could speed up because these are the worst years of my life.  Every time I do something right, something else goes wrong and when I do something great, no one remembers but when I do something wrong, no one can forget.  It’s as if everyone is out to get me, like its natural just to hate me.  I pretend that words don’t affect me; that I’m strong, but truth is, I’m not.  Everything affects me…my feeling get hurt all the time, but no one take notice.  It makes me wonder why I’m even here if no one likes me.  I only have one good thing in my life now, and that’s Courtney but she’s 508 miles away, but she’s worth the wait until we can be together without one of us having to leave.  But the world is getting to me just like it always has.  I just don’t know what to do anymore.  I wish that life was easier, that there would be neither hate nor judgment, and that people would actually like me instead of hate me.  I’m aware that I’m a horrible person, well in my mind I am, but everyone needs friends, even the worse of people.  Maybe that’s why everything’s falling apart; because there’s no one who has my back, there’s no one who wants it anyways it seems…I’m just a failure.  Life gets better, that’s not a lie, but it gets worse as well.  I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like this, but sometimes I just want to sleep for a thousand years, or just not exist, or just not be aware that I exist, or something like that.  Looking back on my life, I realize that life just does terrible things; it takes everyone away from me, like I’m meant to be alone.  And no one understands me, but that’s because they haven’t even taken a step in my shoes and I wouldn’t blame them; my life is mayhem.  I haven’t cried in a while but lately I’ve found myself in the middle of doing something and I’d start to cry.  I hate this, I hate everything that has happened, but I can’t go back and change the things that have led to this and simply wishing they didn’t isn’t going to change anything, so that’s just pathetic to do.  I look up at the sky and wonder why life can’t be a happy thing, why do things always have to go wrong, and why is it that we can’t always have the same people in our lives; the people we love and adore, worship and give thanks for having them, why can’t we have the people that have always been there for us when we needed it, and why does our friends have to change…why?  It’s a depressing concept, but I just want an answer, I want someone to listen to my questions no matter how absurd they are, or how impossible they are.  I just want someone to be there.

Nothing Makes Sense

I wrote this a couple weeks but didn’t have time to post it, so I’ll post it now:  Sometimes things happen in life and no matter how much we wish they didn’t they can never really go back to how it was prior to the situation.  Things start falling apart, well actually, everything starts falling apart and I just don’t know what to do next because I feel as if I’ve already messed everything up, so what’s there to do?  I know there’s always the option of making things better, but the problem with that is every time I try to do that, I actually make things worse.  I know that life is always full of its ups and downs but why does it always have so many downs:  it’s like life is mainly full of negative things that outweigh all the good.  It’s as if my life will never get better, like everything will continue to pull me under.

Laying, Staring, But Mostly Thinking

I tend to lie on the roof or just in the grass at night and stare at the night sky, stare at the sky, and just think.  Lately I’ve been thinking about how to make myself better but then last night I got to thinking; why am I trying so hard at this, why am I making everything so difficult?  If something’s meant to happen then I shouldn’t force it, it’ll just make itself without being pressured.  I was also thinking how I seem to be always be down when everything seems almost perfect, like I have the things a person needs in life:  a wonderful spouse, amazing friends, money, and a good looking future, yet I continuously feel depressed but my previous posts would explain those and it’s all mainly because of 2 reasons.  1.) A person  2.) Me always feeling like no one like me nor paying attention to me. It’s like every time I start to feel happy, something gets in the way and ruins everything so I try to move on, but eventually my past keeps catching up with me and the further I think I am away from it, the closer it gets.  I just want to face my past, and in some parts of it, make it my future, but I don’t want it to ruin my present.  Life is confusing and at times may majorly suck!!  I guess if it was easy though, we wouldn’t really learn anything at all, like there would be no lessons to learn but then again, we probably wouldn’t have so many mistakes then.  Although I think life is about making mistakes and learning from them so that you know how to live it better.  I’m lay there just staring at the sky, but I can’t help but think about my problems.

25 Things I Want To Do Before I Say My Farewells To This World

I was thinking about all the things I want to do before I die and I figured I’d share it on my blog so here goes nothing I guess:

1)   Lead or attend a gay rights movement

2)   Be in 2 places at the same time

3)   Get the nerve to hip hop dance in front of my friends

4)   Be able to tell people all of my feelings to their face

5)   Lay in the rain for at least 5 hours

6)   Play my guitar on the beach at sunset

7)   Play and epic piano piece for my friends that I wrote

8)   Meet Taylor Swift

9)   Adopt a child

10) Spend a week with an extremely poor family

11) Talk to teenagers who feel the need the kill themselves

12) Help teenagers with eating disorders

13) Write the story of my life

14) Stay at an abandoned mental institution for at least a week

15) Take a homeless person out to dinner

16) See the Northern Lights

17) Get into a good college

18) Get married

19) See the Libertarian Party gain more notice

20) Share my thoughts personally with the President

21) Hug a random person I see

22) Grow my hair at least twice then donate it for cancer patients

23) Gain the courage to go cliff diving

24) Have a huge snowball fight

25) Die happily knowing I’ve made a difference in the world and helped at least one person

Cedar Point Band Trip



Zach, Brooke, Me, and Liz at the beach 



Okay, so yesterday our band took a trip to Sandusky, Ohio to do a like 15 minute parade around Cedar Point then we got the rest of the day to do whatever we wanted.  It was such a fun day, one I will remember forever.  On the way there, my friend Janie and I sang and danced to songs together on the bus and that was really awesome and hilarious.  After we were done marching, I got together with a group of friends:  Zach, Brooke, and Liz.





Sam, Aidan, Megan, Amber H, Amanda, Me, and Ibby



Me, Ibby, and Sam



  We went on the most daring roller coasters, well Zach and I did because we’re roller coaster fanatics while Liz and Brooke aren’t really haha.  The Raptor was so awesome, that’s the one we rode the most although it was a “piece of cake”.  This one time we rode, the whole part we were in was all Grove City people:  it was my group, part of the silk line and dance line, and the group of last year’s French 2 class.  That was just freaking amazing(:  This one time I was walking around and Help by the Beatles came on so I started singing it and I passed my trombone buddy Jordan and he was singing it as well.  People may have been giving us weird looks, but hey, I felt like singing lol.  Later my friends and I went down to the beach to have some fun and that was the best part of the day.  After that I joined a different group of friends to ride this freaking crazy thing and while we were on it, my second best friend Ibby (Elizabeth) and I randomly started singing “I want Candy” which was EPIC!!!(: 





Part of Dance and Silk Line



Trotter, Bri, and Me(:



Then I went back to hanging out with my other group and watched Zach win Brooke a freaking huge penguin of which I’m totally jealous of.  But then they got boring so I went to chill with the dance and silk line.  I realized they’re extremely weird but it was pretty awesome while Katie and I were scaling up things such as these rock pole statue things.  I can’t really say what they are because I have no idea Hahaha.  That was pretty much the rest of the day at Cedar Point, but the ride back to Grove City was soooo messed up.  A group of guys:  Owen, Lyle, Tim, and Trotter started flashing everyone and while we were at a toll booth, the guy in it was LEGIT gay and when we were passing through, Owen flashed him and that had to be the funniest thing ever!  That’s basically my day yesterday, I can’t wait to go again next year with the band!=D

Me chilling by the beach

Welcome To My Life

“Do you ever feel like breaking down, do you ever feel out of place, like somehow you just don’t belong and no one understands you…no you don’t know what it’s like when nothing feels alright, you don’t know what it’s like to be me.  To be hurt to feel lost to be left out in the dark, to be kicked when you’re down to feel like you’ve been pushed around.  To be on the edge of breaking down when no one’s there to save you, no you don’t know what it’s like, welcome to my life.”  The lyrics are part of a song called Welcome to my life by Simple Plan and I do believe that it actually describes my life currently and the majority of it for the past few years.  No one knows what it’s like to be me or anything I go through, it’s like I’m on my own and I just want to give up, but I can’t even though I always feel like it.  Then people around me always makes things worse and when people think I’m happy, I’m not but it’s not like I’m going to tell them that.  I just go around with people thinking I’m fine and if they notice I’m not, then I lie about it because I don’t care about myself as much as I care about others.  I honestly feel like I mean nothing, like the only thing I ever wanted I can’t have but it taunts me and I try to hold back the tears but I can’t wait ‘till I’m alone to just let it all out, just by myself where no one can see me crying.  It just hurts and no one can help me…well I won’t let anyone.  I’m just so depressed and I don’t know what to do anymore, I hate my life, I hate myself, I just want to leave this place and go somewhere where I can be alone or at least with people or someone who will actually care about me but I have to face reality and stop wishing for everything because it won’t and it’s not getting me anywhere.  No one cares enough for me and I always get ignored.  I know there are actually people who have similar or the same problems but no one I know knows what it’s like to be me at all, I’m alone, I guess that’s all I’m good for….welcome to my life.

Great Confusion

So lately everything has been extremely confusing to me and I just don’t know what to do at this point in time.  Yeah I’m still dating Courtney, but my problem is that I have no idea if she actually loves me like she says she does, or for that matter, if she’s cheating on me or something, I just have no freaking idea.  And yet, no one seems to notice that something’s wrong, I guess I’ve gotten pretty good at hiding my feelings, what can I say, I’ve had so much practice.  Ha….. I guess it’s actually sorta funny in a way because that means I’m like… nothing.  Wait, what am I saying, that’s not funny at all!!!  I think my confusion comes mostly from my behalf though because I’m not really sure that I actually know who I am and it may sound strange, but people actually know me a lot more than I know myself.  Maybe that’s because I don’t really pay much attention to myself, I always focus the majority of my attention on my friends and the people I love that I exclude myself from, well from myself if that makes any sense.  You see what I mean; I just cause most of my confusion Hahaha.  Come to think of it, I think my heart confuses me because it always gets in the way of my thinking.  Like, I always think in my head that if I just stop talking to people and drop my feelings and everything for them, then maybe I can eventually get over all the things that hurt me, but my heart won’t let me do that because I can’t do that to the people I love even though my reasoning wants me to.  What confuses me the most is that people tell me one thing, but yet, the next day they change it and It usually stays like that forever, what’s up with that?!?  It makes me feel like no one likes me, but then again, why should I like them if all they’re going to do is lie?  My thoughts and feelings are all over the place causing me so much confusion.

Being In Love

My babygirl Courtney<3

A lot of times we fall into love and in return we get our hearts broke but if that’s the case, then it’s not true love.  True love is a feeling, a commitment, something you know will last a lifetime and never ends.  It’s knowing that you’ll always have someone by your side through anything and everything, never feeling alone, being able to share and trust that one person with anything, loving them endlessly no matter what through all the easy and rough things life throws your way.  When you’re in love you can’t stop thinking of your lover, you think about them from the time you wake up ‘till the time you fall asleep.  It’s when you get a text message or a call you automatically feel happy or when you see them you get butterflies in your stomach even though it’s not always noticeable.  It’s when they feel sad and yet at the same time, their feelings affect you and you begin feeling how they feel.  It’s wanting to be with them every single second of every single day.  It’s when every seconds like a minute, every hours like a day, and every day’s like forever.  Being in love is when you’re away from the other person, it hurts and you just want to be with them because you can’t stand not seeing them or being able to hold them in your arms or kiss them.  That’s how I feel, I’m in love with the most amazing girl in the world and I know we’ll always be together because she’s my everything and I will never let her go.  I know that I am going to marry her one days cause I can’t stand to be without her and I love her with everything I have<3  I guess it tis true what they always say:  “things will end up how they’re supposed to and that things always get better” (:  I love you Courtney<3

Change

I wrote this last week and forgot to post it, sorry I haven’t posted anything recently, my life has been pretty busy and amazing, but here it tis:  It’s funny how even the smallest things in life, the things you or others may think are less important, turn out to be in full, truly important.  Such as the small things in my life, the things that I don’t think others should care about, that I’ve never really given much thought to.  They’re the things about me that the common person could and will judge, it’s just that I don’t think people would actually care about my problems, except it turns out that my problems are what I need to change because they changed me…I just need to be a better person.  A lot of people now days, especially teenagers, have an issue with their self-esteem.  I’m not talking about the stuck up kids who want to be “popular” because they think they’re everything, they’re perfect, and there’s nothing wrong with their appearance:  I’m talking about the “normal”, the average kids.  The point is that everyone has flaws whether we want to acknowledge them or not, even the people who think there is absolutely nothing wrong with them.  I admit that I have MANY flaws that I need to change, that I WILL change and nothing can get in my way of achieving that goal.  It’s not just that I’m changing for myself, but I’m also changing for others:  for the people around me that I hurt because of how I act, which would be depressing.  I’ve learned that even if one person is depressed, it actually starts to effect the people around them and that is why I’m changing, I need to treat others and myself better because…well because I matter, I am important and I can’t keep telling myself that I’m not, nobody should tell themselves that.  All I know is that I’m going to change and I WILL be a better person because all that matters is being happy and I can’t be happy if the majority of the time I hate myself.

When friends go to a different school (Story of Danni)



Danni and me last year in marching band...good memories(:

 Some of us have experienced this and it can be a hard thing to overcome or forget but honestly, who wants to forget?!  But this post is basically just about my experience with this topic.  On August 27, 2010, I met a very wonderful person, one of my dearest friends, Danni.  I believe that she came into my life for a purpose, as if God sent me her for her to teach me something.  My understanding of it is that she had to teach me that I was worth something, that I actually am important even if I don’t think I am.  She got me to stop doing some of the bad things I was involved in and it’s a really good thing because, well I’m living still, aren’t I?  Well the problem is that next school year she will be transferring to a different school, a brilliant school that can further her in her future plans, and I won’t really have the time to see her.  It’s was hard to accept the truth that I may never see her again and I’m still faced with this fact, but I know that true friendship never ends and that if we truly want to see each other again, then it will happen.  I know God sent her to me and I am very thankful for Him to give me the chance to meet her.  

My Nightmare

So Friday night of last week, I had a terrifying nightmare, it was so INSANE!!!  Previous to me going to sleep, I had decided to watch this movie call The Battle of Los Angeles.  I didn’t really find it all that interesting because it  wasn’t my type of movie, I mean don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t bad but I prefer horror movies instead.  Well when I went to sleep and exactly before I woke up (there I go being captain obvious again), I had this insane and terrifying nightmare as I mentioned in the first line of this.  To start off this nightmare, I was hanging out with my friends Amber and Chassidy while they were on their date, why I was just chilling with them while on a date, I have no idea.  But then they start ignoring me and I got really sad so I just decided to walk away.  All of a sudden I could hear panic and screaming coming from the restaurant as if someone was dying and of course they were, so I ran into this old run down shack and when I got in there, Amber was there laying on the floor crying, how she got there, I don’t know, but she said Chassidy got EATEN BY ALIENS and this is when the nightmare truly began to show.  Then this freaking Asian dude walks in wearing a dinosaur mask and I’m just thinking WTF?!?  Well he decided to sit on a chair while I hid underneath the bench and Amber was still lying there on the floor.  We suddenly hear weird noises and walking outside of the shack and then the door opens and in comes this alien thing and it scared the heck out of me!  Well then it killed Amber and I don’t know why in your dreams your best friend can die, but you cannot and I was just horrible.  So I tried my best to get closer to the wall hoping it wouldn’t see me but to my luck, it did.  He didn’t seem to mind the Asian dude because he was wearing a freaking dinosaur mask, how weird, but before I could be consumed by this alien-like creature, the scene changed and I was now at my dad’s house.  There was this guy just sitting there on my bed but he took out this weird looking gun and tried to kill me so I then realized he was a disguised alien so I ran outside and all of a sudden it started raining.  So I decided to run along our fence to get to the opening so I can run into my neighbor’s yard.  To my surprise, when I got there THE SWAT TEAM WAS THERE!!  Oh my freaking goodness, how INSANE!  Anyways, I explain to them my situation but then they turn out to be aliens!  WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?!?  Well before they ate me I awoke from this terrifying nightmare of mine and my friend Danni told me to write it down for a story but I decided to blog it instead.

Drama

Hahaha, I know I shouldn’t laugh about this thought, but it’s just that this is probably the only thing I will ever write about that EVERYONE can relate to.  Drama, why is a part of everyday life?  I guess it’s because….well *thinks* because basically the person causing the drama has no life and they just want attention.  That tis my opinion on why it’s involved in everyday life.  Drama can be simply just someone talking about others such as spreading rumors and in high school, you go through that stuff all the time.  That’s basically because in high school you have teenagers (yes I know I’m Captain Obvious) and teenagers are the main people that drama revolves around.  But don’t get me wrong, adults can have drama too.  Working people deal with their co-workers, elderly people can have drama in nursing homes such as….maybe two old women fighting about another old guy that’s “hot” in their opinion, lol, I don’t know but I assure you that they still have drama, and of course younger kids have drama such as fighting over a crayon or who gets to sit on Santa’s lap first.  Wow, thinking back to my childhood, I can’t believe how awesome it actually was, how innocent we are as children.  How much I would love to have the drama I had when I was younger.  Back when we didn’t even fully comprehend what the word ugly meant, how I would die to go back to then.  But I have to realize, we all have to realize that that will never happen again, that our childhood is gone and when we turn into teenagers we are exposed to the world and the ugly truth of everyday life.

Breath Only For Today

Have you ever heard the saying “The past is history, the future is a mystery, and today is a gift.  That is why we call it the present”?  Well I tend to ponder about this saying a lot although many of us don’t really think about it that often or we don’t follow what its saying. 

“The past is history” Of course it tis but don’t we always look back upon it?  We don’t always need to be doing this because it can bring back bad memories that can bring you down.  The only reason we need to look back is to learn from our mistakes, to make sure that our faults don’t happen again.  Everyone tends to live there though, always referring to it and digging old experiences back up.  How can you expect to live for today, to be everything you are now, if you’re still dwelling in the past?

“The future is a mystery” We never know what tis going to happen to us, we have absolutely no idea, the only person who knows is God.  God has everything planned out for you, He knows what’s going to happen whether you believe it or not.  The future can be a surprise to you but you have to be ready for it.

“Today is a gift.  That’s why we call it the present” Isn’t it joyous just to hear that today is a gift, a present from God?  We never know what’s going to happen, when we’re going to die so that’s why it’s a present, it’s your gift of life, just to be alive today, alive yet another day.  Love what the day brings you each and every day for what happens was meant to happen, you have to believe that.

Friend Arguments

Why is it that friends ALWAYS fight?  Most of the time it’s over the most pathetic things imaginable.  Such things include, but are very limited to:  DRAMA (that seems to be the biggest thing), opinions, boys/girls, and past arguments (this is the one I find completely funny in a way because it’s totally just stupid).  Eventually the argument goes away and is forgotten, well that tis if you’re truly friends and don’t let things get to you.  But in the meantime, you feel like you’ve ruined everything by getting involved in the argument instead of being a passive person; that your friend could never like you again because you continuously hurt them, or maybe that’s how your friend feels.  I’m sort of in this position a lot.  I tend to get into arguments with my closest friends and after we’ve stopped the fight and started ignoring each other, that’s how I feel:  like they could never possibly like me again and that I screwed things up…typical.  Well, I was sitting here last week awaiting a phone call or at least a text message from my friend apologizing for freaking out because of the situation.  The situation, the argument, is that I was withholding information, my opinion, so I don’t hurt her, this fact she is well aware of yet she insist that I tell her but I refused to do so.   But like I previously said, why oh why do people argue over the most pathetic things?  Wouldn’t it be better if friends didn’t fight, well it would be better if no one fought but that’s clearly never going to happen because everyone has their own thoughts, their own opinions.  I just wish that it didn’t even exist, that’s my thought.

Same-Sex Marriage

Okay, as we all know, there is a big controversy over whether or not GLBT’s are allowed to get married or not.  The Christian faith is separated on this as well.  Although many think that it tis sinful, there are also many out there who are neutral and others who see it as morally acceptable.  As a Christian, I feel that it tis wrong to judge others who have a different sexuality other than heterosexual.  I admit that I am bisexual and I have been now for about 3 years but only for about a year have I been open about it.  The reason why is because there are people, MANY people, who feel it necessary to judge and insult those who are different, those that like the same gender, but honestly, I just find that horrid.  “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness” (Declaration of Independence).

This quote, this very meaningful quote that our founding fathers wrote, is a strong reason to allow gay marriage.  Yes, we’re all created equal and we have the right to be happy.  Why can’t people just see that homosexuals are happy with the people they love?  I can compare this to the fight, the struggle for blacks to gain their freedom.  The GLBT community is trying to gain their freedom, their rights, just like African Americans did.  My friend Brooke once told me, “Love is love no matter what and if it’s true love, they’ll fight to keep it.”  Let me ask this question:  If you were deeply in love with someone and the country, the world, told you that you weren’t allowed to be with that person, how would you feel?  You’ll feel heartbroken; you’ll feel the need to fight for your love.  That’s how homosexuals feel.  Our country doesn’t see the matter how we do.  The majority of the country sees it as a sinful act towards God, but that’s not how we see it, we see it as our fight to have the right to love, to be with the person we want to spend forever with, just to have the same rights as everyone else.  I asked my friend Chassidy who is dating my best friend, “How do you feel about same-sex relationships?” and she replied with, “I’m fine with them because the love of my life is gay.”  See, by not allowing same-sex marriage, they’re keeping people who love each other from being official, from saying the words “I do.”  Now I asked my best friend, Amber, “What would you say to people who judge homosexuality?” and she answered, “I’d tell them it’s my life and I’ll live it the way I want.”  So to elaborate on what Amber said, I would like to add that people are in charge of their own lives and no one should tell them how to run it.  In my opinion, I see nothing wrong with same-sex marriage because it’s not harming anyone.  Just let love happen, allow for same-sex marriage because I’m here fighting for it and so are many other people, some who are even heterosexual.

Depression & Suicide

I know the problem is out there, that it still exists, and that it always will no matter how much we try to avoid it, how much we try to put a kibosh to it.  The fact is that not everyone is loved like they should be and that some people need to be loved more than others.  The majority of people who commit suicide are often faced with depression and most of the time it’s not treated, although it should be.  Depression is a serious issue that needs to be faced, without help things can get worse and eventually lead to taking one’s own life.  Sometimes the world seems like it’s too much to handle, like everything you do is wrong and nothing really matters.  The person just feels like they don’t belong anywhere, that they aren’t accepted in this world, that dying is the best and only thing they can do.  What these people don’t realize is that people actually do love them, that no matter how bad something seems, things will eventually get better, they always do.  These people need to be told how much they’re accepted and how much they’re loved before it’s too late.  Isn’t it better to say how much you love the person while they’re alive and letting them know instead of acknowledging these details at their funeral when it doesn’t really matter that much anymore?  The answer is of course it tis.  So if you know anyone who has any signs of depression, just show them that you care, love them, and make them happy before they end up doing something about their pains.  I’m only speaking about this because it runs across my thought chain a lot.  I have admittedly tried to commit suicide many times before although many people don’t know that and I do suffer from depression.  Even though I say I will kill myself sometimes, I guess I truly don’t mean it.  The only reason why I don’t is because I realize now that my friends love me, God loves me, and I don’t want to hurt the people that love me, the people that I love.  I would say the person that means the most to me now is my best friend Amber.  She’s helped me through my worst moments recently and I thank her for that.  She doesn’t give up when everyone else does, and she understands me for the most part for who I truly am.  If only the others suffering from depression had someone as fabulous as her, then I now they would change their minds.  I believe that if everyone cared as much as she did, then the world would actually be a better place.  But the point is that depression and suicide should be thought about more often in society.  We should do our best to help those who suffer from depression to prevent them from committing suicide.  Every 16 minutes someone kills themselves, we need to put a stop to this.

Why? That's the question.

Why do we all strive to be the same as everyone else, to wear the same clothes, to do the same things, or to act the same as others?  Is it simply to gain the attention of others or to just basically fit in?  Why don’t we just be different, just be ourselves?  Isn’t that the whole point of having different activities, different hobbies, and different styles of fashion?  The point is that we’re all different.  God created us all in his own image and it tis for certain that he didn’t create us all the same.  He made us different so that we can all accomplish different things, things that he made us to create and accomplish.  If this is true, then why, why do we mimic each other?  We’re all different so shouldn’t we act like it?  We need to go out and be ourselves, to be the person that God wants us to be, not who others wants us to be.  So to answer my question:  why do we all strive to be the same as everyone else, I would say it’s so that we don’t get judged, so that we can make friends, and/or so we can just go a long with the crowd because we’re afraid of expressing our own ideas.  My call to action is to just be yourself, it doesn’t matter what others think or what they say, it’s what you think, what God thinks.  Just be yourself no matter what.