Great Confusion

So lately everything has been extremely confusing to me and I just don’t know what to do at this point in time.  Yeah I’m still dating Courtney, but my problem is that I have no idea if she actually loves me like she says she does, or for that matter, if she’s cheating on me or something, I just have no freaking idea.  And yet, no one seems to notice that something’s wrong, I guess I’ve gotten pretty good at hiding my feelings, what can I say, I’ve had so much practice.  Ha….. I guess it’s actually sorta funny in a way because that means I’m like… nothing.  Wait, what am I saying, that’s not funny at all!!!  I think my confusion comes mostly from my behalf though because I’m not really sure that I actually know who I am and it may sound strange, but people actually know me a lot more than I know myself.  Maybe that’s because I don’t really pay much attention to myself, I always focus the majority of my attention on my friends and the people I love that I exclude myself from, well from myself if that makes any sense.  You see what I mean; I just cause most of my confusion Hahaha.  Come to think of it, I think my heart confuses me because it always gets in the way of my thinking.  Like, I always think in my head that if I just stop talking to people and drop my feelings and everything for them, then maybe I can eventually get over all the things that hurt me, but my heart won’t let me do that because I can’t do that to the people I love even though my reasoning wants me to.  What confuses me the most is that people tell me one thing, but yet, the next day they change it and It usually stays like that forever, what’s up with that?!?  It makes me feel like no one likes me, but then again, why should I like them if all they’re going to do is lie?  My thoughts and feelings are all over the place causing me so much confusion.