Welcome To My Life

“Do you ever feel like breaking down, do you ever feel out of place, like somehow you just don’t belong and no one understands you…no you don’t know what it’s like when nothing feels alright, you don’t know what it’s like to be me.  To be hurt to feel lost to be left out in the dark, to be kicked when you’re down to feel like you’ve been pushed around.  To be on the edge of breaking down when no one’s there to save you, no you don’t know what it’s like, welcome to my life.”  The lyrics are part of a song called Welcome to my life by Simple Plan and I do believe that it actually describes my life currently and the majority of it for the past few years.  No one knows what it’s like to be me or anything I go through, it’s like I’m on my own and I just want to give up, but I can’t even though I always feel like it.  Then people around me always makes things worse and when people think I’m happy, I’m not but it’s not like I’m going to tell them that.  I just go around with people thinking I’m fine and if they notice I’m not, then I lie about it because I don’t care about myself as much as I care about others.  I honestly feel like I mean nothing, like the only thing I ever wanted I can’t have but it taunts me and I try to hold back the tears but I can’t wait ‘till I’m alone to just let it all out, just by myself where no one can see me crying.  It just hurts and no one can help me…well I won’t let anyone.  I’m just so depressed and I don’t know what to do anymore, I hate my life, I hate myself, I just want to leave this place and go somewhere where I can be alone or at least with people or someone who will actually care about me but I have to face reality and stop wishing for everything because it won’t and it’s not getting me anywhere.  No one cares enough for me and I always get ignored.  I know there are actually people who have similar or the same problems but no one I know knows what it’s like to be me at all, I’m alone, I guess that’s all I’m good for….welcome to my life.