What Could've Been

One year ago today, I started a relationship with the most amazing girl in the world.  She made me the happiest person in the world and I knew I would always love her.  We stayed together for 10 and a half months then it suddenly ended.  My world was torn apart and I didn’t really have a reason to be happy anymore.  Well over a month passed and we started up again.  Sure I’m able to smile for real now, but everything’s different.  I know I should be the happiest person in the world, but truth is…I’m not.

  There’s doubt now.  Doubt about our relationship, about how she’ll probably just leave me again.  I know it’s not right to say this when you’re in a relationship, but I use to keep my thoughts and my feelings to myself before which didn’t get me anywhere.  I want to believe we’ll be together forever, but I just can’t.  I couldn’t really sleep last night because I kept thinking of her; of us.  If we could’ve just stayed together the first time, then things would be so much better and I wouldn’t be writing this.  Today would’ve been one of the best days of my life so far but now it’s just full of disappointment, stress, and sadness.  I wouldn’t be thinking of what could’ve been.  Sure I’m with her now, but it’s like I’m still fighting to gain her love, acceptance, and her forever because right now I don’t feel like I have it.  Right now all I feel like I have is lies and I don’t want to feel this.  I want it to be how it was before.