Life’s A Roller Coaster

I honestly don’t know what to write.  Nothing’s even right anymore.  I’ve learned that the saying “life’s like a roller coaster” is true.  It’s like one moment my life’s at its highest point, then the next I’m going down fast and not able to control anything that’s coming.  After years of not believing in love, I had thought that I found the “One”.  I carried around a real smile for 10 and a half months.  I saw life differently, in a better way; I was finally happy, no worries or being depressed.  I loved life, loved what it had in store for me.  Everyday just talking to her made me gregarious and it was very hard to break that.  I had everything I needed then; I had her…I had Courtney.  Everything just instantly changed though.

  We started getting into arguments more often and I figured it was normal, I mean every couple fights, but I guess things were just too much to handle for her.  I’ve been single for a week and hating every moment of it.  To be honest, I still don’t understand the whole reasoning why she left me.  I can’t really keep anything down, my stomach can’t handle it and 3-5 hours of sleep a night isn’t working for me, yet my body won’t accept that fact.  I don’t know how, but my eyes have produced more tears this week than ever before.  I feel like I’m slowly dying here; the sadness is becoming too much for me to bear.  It’s really bad when I can’t listen to music anymore without some song coming on and reminding me of her, driving to work and passing a road called “Courtney”, or going to type in the password to my computer and remembering that it’s not her name anymore.  It’s just tearing my heart apart even more and I’m on the edge of breaking down and probably going to have to go to some mental place; no lie. 

          Even after everything I’m going through, I can’t complain, sure I have it rough, but she’s had a hard life too, and I envy her for everything she’s been through yet being where she is today.  Even though I feel horrible, she’s still an amazing person and I still love her and I always will.  Things happen for a reason and I’m still trying to figure out what the reasoning for us meeting, becoming a couple, then breaking up was for.