Laying, Staring, But Mostly Thinking

I tend to lie on the roof or just in the grass at night and stare at the night sky, stare at the sky, and just think.  Lately I’ve been thinking about how to make myself better but then last night I got to thinking; why am I trying so hard at this, why am I making everything so difficult?  If something’s meant to happen then I shouldn’t force it, it’ll just make itself without being pressured.  I was also thinking how I seem to be always be down when everything seems almost perfect, like I have the things a person needs in life:  a wonderful spouse, amazing friends, money, and a good looking future, yet I continuously feel depressed but my previous posts would explain those and it’s all mainly because of 2 reasons.  1.) A person  2.) Me always feeling like no one like me nor paying attention to me. It’s like every time I start to feel happy, something gets in the way and ruins everything so I try to move on, but eventually my past keeps catching up with me and the further I think I am away from it, the closer it gets.  I just want to face my past, and in some parts of it, make it my future, but I don’t want it to ruin my present.  Life is confusing and at times may majorly suck!!  I guess if it was easy though, we wouldn’t really learn anything at all, like there would be no lessons to learn but then again, we probably wouldn’t have so many mistakes then.  Although I think life is about making mistakes and learning from them so that you know how to live it better.  I’m lay there just staring at the sky, but I can’t help but think about my problems.